fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
