I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
