I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
