You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
