Nicole vs. Life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
