you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
