you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize