I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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