Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
