Don't make out with my wife yet
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Someone came in the potted fern
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
