and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
