Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
