You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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