I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
