He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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