I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
