we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
