i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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