i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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