google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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