just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
