Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
