I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
