He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
