I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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