You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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