I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Too much gin, very little bucket
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
