Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
what day is it and did you see me today?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sorry my hands just texted you
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
