Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
