If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
