so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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