to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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