I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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