I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
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