sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
