I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
