I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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