last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
