You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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