I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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