pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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