I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
