dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
