I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
