Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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