I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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