Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
