Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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