it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
