u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
