Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
