she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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