He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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