Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
