She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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