so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i came on her dog
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
