After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
