Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
