I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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