Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
