I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
