he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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