i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
