You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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