big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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