Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
